ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
