I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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