I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
