ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
