i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
