is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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