Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
