those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
