Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
