dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
