I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
