I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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