You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
