I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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