Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
