Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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