After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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