Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
