i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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