Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
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