I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
