I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
