trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
