I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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