So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
