this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
