the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you would pick up someone in the library
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
