I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
