i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
