I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
