i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
