wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
