I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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