I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
