I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
