just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
