You work out of a Hotel?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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