this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
