how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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