You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
