all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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