I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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