I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
