I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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