never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
