I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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