I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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