Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
