We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
