wanna go halves on a baby?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
