sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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